Friday, June 18, 2004

Evening

Mine, me, I. These words are what this first post will discuss, and probably most that follow. I need to vent some thoughts that have been on my mind for way too long now. Most heavy of them all... why I'm so sad with life.

By all accounts, I feel I am wasting my time here. I contribute no good or evil to the world. As one who grew up learning the Christian faith, I know one thing about the nature of God is His ability and fondness of creation. He does it well, and in infinately many ways we only catch a glimpse of. It follows that if we are made in His image, we, too, should be creators, however imperfect our works may be.

I create nothing.

Each passing day, I am less and less creative. Those with whom I interact only do so because by circumstances beyond our control, we find ourselves in the same room. Without this restriction, no one feels the need to get to know me. And likewise I feel no need to learn more about others. I know people only on a shallow level. No topics scrape even the slightest of layers surrounding me or my counterpart. I fear what may come of an intimate question. No one can really be trusted, and you cannot earn trust until you ask the probing questions in life. Making that leap takes risk and I shun risk in all its forms.

And creation takes risk.